FOS 13 Self Control (and the end of Gentleness)

James 3:13-18 ESV - Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Meekness has overlapping meaning with gentleness, so in this James passage we see gentle used two different ways. Each way comes from a different Greek word in the original scripture and in this translation they are translated as meekness and gentleness. Let’s look at those definitions before we examine the passage.

In verse 3:13 the word meekness is used for the Greek word prautēs, but some versions translate it as gentleness. praÿtēs, prah-oo'-tace; from G4239; mildness, i.e. (by implication) humility:—meekness.¹

In verse 3:17 the word gentle is used for the Greek word epieikēs. epieikḗs, ep-ee-i-kace'; from G1909 and G1503; appropriate, i.e. (by implication) mild:—gentle, moderation, patient.²

Both of these words are used in conjuction with wisdom and understanding. A person who is wise is urged to convey their wisdom with gentleness and without bitter jealousy, selfish ambition, or boasting. These things are all tied up in verse 18. If we intend to use our wisdom to harvest righteousness (bring people to the Lord) we would do well to do it peacefully using a gentle technique. This can be a challenge, because human nature makes us tend towards pride.

Also note that Epeikes has the added meanings of moderation and patience. Both are good additions when sharing the gospel. We may not explicitly share the gospel every time we speak with someone, but if we are a Christian, people will make assumptions about Christianity based on the way that we treat them and the things that they see us doing in our lives. Do they see the fruit of gentleness in us? 

Review from the last lesson:

2 Corinthians 10:1-6 ESV - I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ--I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!-- 2 I beg of you that when I am present I may not have to show boldness with such confidence as I count on showing against some who suspect us of walking according to the flesh. 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.

In this passage we again find both Greek words used and this time referring to qualities Christ has that we can have like Him. 

1. In the above scripture, what are the two situations that Paul communicates with the Corinthians and what does he do differently in those situations? When he is with the people of God and teaching them he is meek, but when he is away and writes to them his words are bold. 
2. Which situation is he in as he writes the letter with meekness and gentleness? He is away and so writing boldly.
3. Consider that warfare is mentioned in the passage and what that means for us? What types of situations is this warfare part of in these verses? He is talking about 2 situations that are spiritual battles, not physical ones: the first is when we are up against others who verbally attack the Lord, and the second is referring to situations when we battle ourselves. It’s the inner struggle we have between our saved soul, that wants to please and glorify God, and our fleshly desires. If we don’t work on battling our own thoughts where the sin begins, it will be hard to succeed at the first thing: destroying arguments against Christ. James 1:14-15 (ESV) gives the progression of sin. “14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Desire is a thought that starts in our mind and it progresses when we don’t hold it up to the examination of Christ and obedience through the Spirit. When we challenge every thought and take it to Christ, we’ll have more success in being gentle and meek as we share Christ. 

Ephesians 4:1-6 ESV - I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-- 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

1. In the Ephesians passage, what character qualities are grouped with gentleness? Humility, patience, love, and peace
2. Who are Christians being called to be gentle towards? Why? Brothers and sisters in Christ. We are all tied together as the body of Christ by the Holy Spirit and to hurt one another hurts the body as a whole and saddens God. It hurts the body by diminishing our testimony when non Christians see us treating each other badly. It also hurts the body because we are tearing one another down instead of building each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11) which can cause another to stumble or deal with insecurities. The opposite is building up other Christians so they feel encouraged to do the things God has called them to do.

1 Timothy 6:10-12 ESV - For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. 11 But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

From the Timothy verses:

1. What are we to pursue? Righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness
2. What are we to flee? Craving money and allowing it to drive the goals of our lives and lead us into sin. 
3. Once more the term “fight” is used. How do we fight the good fight of the faith? (This isn’t explained in this scripture, but based on your knowledge what would you say?) Fight against our fleshly desires for earthly things and earthly pleasures and keep our hope and focus on Christ. This scripture seems to be more focused on the personal spiritual battle than on the battle with the world. Think of a time you have been distracted with earthly things and it has caused you to act in ways that are opposite the qualities listed in verse 11, or how you have been affected by someone who was driven by earthly things. You likely can think of examples from both perspectives. What a difference it makes to put the attainment of things in their proper place in our hearts, with our love of God and people above things.

2 Timothy 2:23-26 ESV - Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

1. What breeds quarrels? Foolish and ignorant controversies 
2. How do we avoid or redirect quarrels? Be kind, teach, and correct them with gentleness, patiently endure evil.
3. What is our hope that will result from our acting differently? That people we talk to about Christ will become Christians and they will see something different about us when we are not quarrelsome and are instead kind. More and more there are opportunities for controversies, particularly on social media where we don’t have the social cues that we would face to face. This is a place where we have to be especially careful with how we present ourselves and think long and hard before we enter an argument.

1 Peter 3:15-17 ESV - but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.

1. What do you learn about how to witness and share the gospel in 1 Peter 3? Be prepared to explain and defend the gospel (this is called apologetics), but do it with gentleness and respect.
2. What will happen to those who revile you and what do you think that means? They are put to shame means if we have maintained a gentle, respectful attitude it will be obvious to others that those who say bad things about us are liars. 

More about gentleness in scripture:

Proverbs 15:4 ESV - A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Matthew 11:29 ESV - Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

1 Peter 3:4 ESV - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Galatians 6:1 ESV - Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

I’d like to revisit the contrast between gentleness and battles. We are in a spiritual battle, but we should always remember the battle is already won—it happened on the cross and was completed with the resurrection. In John 19:30 Jesus said, “It is finished.”

Ephesians 6 has an important passage on spiritual warfare—6:10-18. But verse 12 is important to keep in mind when we struggle to be gentle with non Christians. 

Ephesians 6:12 (ESV) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

I highly recommend studying the Ephesians 6 passage more in depth to better understand our spiritual armor which helps us in spiritual “battles.”

We are guaranteed a good outcome (in eternity), but we are not promised an easy time in between. We can interact with non-Christians from a position of power and confidence alongside love and gentleness, trusting God to accomplish His good purpose in the lives of them. When we stop striving to accomplish both our will and God’s in our own power, we will find it easier to be gentle. 

¹”G4240 - prautēs - Strong's Greek Lexicon (esv)." Blue Letter Bible. Accessed 2 Jul, 2025. https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g4240/esv/mgnt/0-1/

²"G1933 - epieikēs - Strong's Greek Lexicon (esv)." Blue Letter Bible. Accessed 2 Jul, 2025. https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1933/esv/mgnt/0-1/

Self Control

2 Timothy 1:6-10 (ESV) For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, 7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 8 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, 9 who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, 10 and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

There is so much packed into this passage. As we closed out our study of gentleness in our review section both in the 2 Corinthians 10 and 1 Timothy 6 passages, I spoke of the battle between our fleshly desires and what God’s Spirit within us wants. Though we may have committed our lives to the Lord, our fleshly sin nature will not be completely gone until we receive our new bodies in heaven. For now we must let the power of God in us provide self control to keep those desires in check.

At the end of the gentleness discussion I spoke of having a position of power when we interact with people. Look back at the verses above where the word power is used. In verse 7 we learn that our power is mixed with love and self control. How different that is from worldly power that is wielded only to please the one with the power and make that person feel powerful, regardless of who might be harmed in the process.

To restate, within this scripture we see we need self-control over our fleshly desires and also to control the power of God in us. 

Homework: Scripture with questions

1 Corinthians 9:25-27 (ESV) Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

1. What is our imperishable wreath and how does it differ from an athlete’s imperishable one (wreaths made of leaves were used to crown winning athletes in ancient times)? 
2. How can you discipline yourself to keep under control in ways that reflect Christ?
3. Why might the lack of self control disqualify your preaching or sharing of the gospel?

1 Timothy 2:8-10 (ESV) I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works.

1. What is the contrast in these verses for women? 
2. Is it saying we can’t braid our hair or wear nice clothes? 
3. Why might the things we adorn ourselves be important for Christian women? 

2 Timothy 3:1-9 (ESV) But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. 9 But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

1. Look closely at the qualities that are grouped with the lack of self-control. We see so much of this in the world around us. What does verse 5 say about these people? How might understanding this help us in our interactions with them?
2. How can we be a witness in the world and still follow the last sentence in verse 5?
3. Read verse 7 again. What part does truth play in the list of evil at the beginning of the passage?
4. According to your knowledge of God and scripture, how might we arrive at knowledge of truth. 

2 Peter 1:3-10 (ESV) His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.

The previous 2 Timothy 3 verses showed us a list of qualities of those who are against God which included lack of self-control. This 2 Peter lineup gives us a beautiful guide that includes self-control.

1. List out the things you discover we should supplement our faith with.
2. Verse 3 tells us God has “granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness.” What has He granted it through? Knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence
3. In verse 3, look at the timing of God giving us what’s needed. Past? Present? Future?
4. In verse 3 how many of the needed things has God given us? Some? None?All?
5. What does it seem to be saying is the reason we need to supplement our faith? Because there is corruption in the world that leads to sinful desires.
6. From reading this passage, why do you think God calls us to supplement with these things? God has granted us these tools to aid us in withstanding the temptations of our desires that lead to sin, we should utilize them.
7. What does verse 9 seem to be saying? If you aren’t working towards this godly list of qualities that includes self control, you are taking Christ, sacrifice and salvation for granted. Romans 6:1-2 says it plainly: What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? (Read on in Romans, six for more on this topic)